Dear Mom.

Mommy,

I have been missing you so much lately. I am not surprised by this, but I've been caught off guard by the intensity of my sadness. I imagined that the pain would start to lessen. It had for a little bit. But suddenly it has seemed to come back with vengeance. I wake up thinking of you. I forget that you're not still here. I must be dreaming of you... I've pulled out my phone to call you twice in the past week. When my conscious realizes what my subconscious has forgotten, my heart aches.

I've spent some time trying to figure out what's different. What has changed? What is making my heart hurt worse than before? I think it's the way that I'm thinking of you. For a while, I was always thinking of you with cancer. The you who left us. The you of those last few months. I was sad that you were gone, but I had gotten used to not talking to you every day or going to the museum and shopping... Lately though, I've found myself thinking of you. The real you. The you that I loved and cherished for all of my life. The you I still love and cherish. On one hand I am so happy that the real you has returned to my thoughts. I was worried that I would always think of you dying, instead of you living. I am glad that I dream of you laughing, smiling, having fun! I dream of you being you. The sadness comes when I realize just how much I miss that you. My God, it's a desperate sadness that literally takes my breath away. I will never get on a plane with you, walk through the Park with you or watch you hold my babes again. I am literally sick just thinking of that... *breathe*

Thank you. Thank you for coming to my dreams the way that you do. Though I rarely remember the content of our visit, I find comfort in knowing that you are yourself again, wherever you are. Thank you for letting me see your smile again. For letting me hear your voice and your laugh. Thank you for reminding me of the joy we shared. 

Please keep visiting me.

I love you more than I know how to say. 

Always,
Victoria

Couch to 5k

I'm going to do it!

A 5k.

There, I said it.

Now comes the doing it...

I have promised a friend that I will run a 5k with her on April 28th. I am actually excited about it. I'm just not excited about the part when I go out for a "run" and get exhausted after 4 minutes and have to play through for 20 more and pretend it's not torture. But I'm going to do it. Even if I decide that I don't ever want to do it again. I'm going to at least try! What kind of a role model would I be if I didn't try something new once in a while, right?!

And today, a friend at work introduced me to the couch to 5k app for my iPhone. It's a sign. He didn't know that I was planning to start this project, but he's training for a run the next day! Apparently this app links to Facebook too, so we can support each other. I love technology!

I figure that if I put it on the internet, then I have to do it. This is me holding myself accountable. I'm going to start... soon! ;)

FaceTime.

Tonight we "chatted" with my Dad via FaceTime on the iPhone. By we, I mean Jack. He's not so interested in sharing these days... but that's another topic for another day.

Jack hijacked my phone and decided he wanted to call Papa. To be clear, he doesn't actually know how to place calls, yet! I did have to password protect my phone though, because he learned how to open it! It's amazing how savvy he is with technology already, just from watching us! 

Anyway, instead of just calling my Dad, we decided to FaceTime. It was perfect! I love getting to see my Dad's reaction to J's crazy, silly antics. And I love to see Jack's reaction to my Dad and his dogs. He simply had to see the "doggies" :) It was absolutely the highlight of my day.

Technology is really amazing and I am so grateful that we have access to it! 

Milestones & Mishaps

My little one rolled over for the first time tonight! 

It was so sweet. 

The look on his face when he realized that he had turned was priceless! 

I grabbed my iPhone and quickly opened the camera to snap a shot. 

... and there it was. 

An error message. 

My storage is full. 

Ugh! 

I missed my moment!

Instead of feeling frustrated, I will be grateful for all of those 3,687 pictures (yes, I said 3,687!). Those are 3,687 silly, fun, priceless moments that I captured. And never deleted.

I am also extremely grateful that I got to witness a wonderful milestone in my babe's life. 

We are so blessed.


 Update: Here is a pic that I managed to snap about a minute later on my "real" camera. It wasn't a total waste ;)

Community.

I work at this really unique boarding school for talented performing arts kids. I love it! I never in my life thought that I'd like to work with high school kids. But this job is fun and the kids are great!

Tonight was a prime example of why it's so special. I brought my boys by to visit with the kids at work . It was so cute! The kids had a ball with J. Getting him to say their names and teaching him dance moves. It was awesome! It's such a unique environment and I am so thankful that my boys get to be a part of it.

Here's a snapshot of the boys with my friends from work! Unfortunately, I didn't get any pics of him learning to dance with the kids. Bummer.

Fashion.

Ok, let's be honest.  This is not a gratitude post. 

I could try to come up with some nonsense about being grateful that my Mom was a fashionista who helped me learn the religion of fabulous shoes...
But we can cut right to the good stuff, right? ;)

Let's just talk fashion for a moment. 

I am a self-proclaimed shopaholic. I love shoes and handbags. I love the feel of new clothes. I'm like a junky. But on a budget. So when I can't score, I swoon. 

This is what I'm currently swooning for. What do you think?

 Cafe Capris from J.Crew

 These shoes speak of themselves, don't they. 

Asymmetrical yellow top from Zara. 

I might actually splurge on this one. It's in the window of the store down the street. 

I walk by it daily and it stares at me... I might just need it.  

This necklace could make anything look feminine and fun. I want it!

There's nothing like a fab white leather handbag for the Spring/Summer. I love this one!

And though I am totally not ready to talk swim... this suit caught my eye! It could be a great choice for those of us with - ehm - less than stellar tummies?

Also, I totally just splurged on these... Mama had 2 babies back to back and still needed smaller jeans. In my book, that's worthy of a splurge! ;) 

Another day I'll tell you about my fashionista Mom, her fabulous shoe collection and why she thought it was all a waste in the end. 

But for now, we swoon. ;)

A Wonderful Weekend.

Tonight I am thankful for a wonderful weekend full of family and laughs.
We had a great visit with my in-laws! The boys loved all of the attention and were spoiled rotten! 

Exactly what a weekend with your grandparents should be. :)

Nick & I were also spoiled with two blissful nights of sleep, including a one-night getaway to Boston! It was such a wonderful combination of time together and time apart. I am grateful for such wonderful, loving, supportive in-laws!

Tonight, my heart is full. <3