Happy Birthday, Wellsy

Happy Birthday, my Sweet Wellsy Boy!

This past year has been a difficult one, there's no secret there. But it's my hope that you always know how important you were and are. You were the light that gave hope to the darkest of days. You brought peace and joy to everyone, even when there was nothing but uncertainty and angst. You have brought more love into our crowded apartment than I thought was possible. You remind me regularly that this World is still capable of goodness. You have given me purpose... and faith.

Watching you this past year, has been a joy. From your first smiles, to your first steps. You amaze me with your fearlessness and your endless giggles. And watching Jack become a big brother has been equally amazing. He is so proud and confident, loving and gentle. It's wonderful to see all that you are both becoming! I know first hand the joys of being a sibling. I hope that you and Jack continue to love each other, care for one another and challenge each other to be better. I am so proud of both of you!

I have so many wishes for you. But above all, I wish that anytime you doubt yourself you remember all of the love that lives inside of you. Your spirit is capable of anything. Be brave, my love, after all, life is an adventure.

Happy 1st Birthday, Wells Thomas.

A year ago

I was in the hospital, breathing through contractions, waiting to meet my sweet little babe.

This was taken as we were walking out the door to go to the hospital, where I was going to be induced. Despite my desires for an un-medicated birthing center delivery, my water was leaking and I needed to be induced 3 weeks early. Ready or not, my little one was on his way! 

I could have killed Nick for sneaking this pic during a contraction! 

Here I was, about 6 hours into my labor, sitting on a birthing ball & breathing deep. 

Wells Thomas came into the World about 3 hours later :)

I have to be honest, as I rocked Wellsy to sleep tonight, I cried. I cannot believe that he is already 1. 

I'm not ready.

I want to keep him teeny forever - well, not forever, but for a bit longer.

A year ago, my Mom sat in a chair beside my bed and cheered me on. She wasn't sure that she could stay awake into the night, but she did. And at 1:00am, when it was time to push, she got up out of her chair and held my hand as I delivered Wells. 

She held him before I did.

In that moment, she looked more alive than she had in months. She was elated. 

Life was the one thing that could make us all forget about Cancer.

Tonight I am so grateful for my healthy, happy baby boy.

I am grateful that we get to see his 1st birthday, even though I think it went too fast.

But above all, I am so grateful that my Mom held my hand and her sweet grand baby.

Mama

How did I forget this in my Mother's Day post?! My little Wellsy had a gift for me too! He said Mama!! 

That sound is so precious. It makes me incredibly grateful :)

Thank you, Baby.

Mother's Day

This year Mother's Day was a bit different... it was certainly bitter sweet and frankly, I spent a lot of time pretending that it wasn't happening. But all in all, I have to say that Mother's Day was a really nice day. In fact, it was a nice weekend :)

On Saturday, we took Jack to Philadelphia to see Pennsylvania Ballet's Peter Pan. It was his very first ballet and it made me immensely happy to watch him enjoy it! My Mom loved the ballet. When I was a kid, she would occasionally take us into Lincoln Center and get standing room tickets to see a ballet and she loved to take us to see the Nutcracker at Christmas time! When I got my job, she was over the moon about it - always asking about my students and visiting. So getting to sit next to Jack on Mother's Day weekend while he watched his first ballet felt like a real full-circle moment. It was really wonderful.

Then Saturday afternoon, my sister came down to stay for the weekend and we met up with our Nan and Aunt. We celebrated Mother's Day together and had a nice dinner together. I love to be with the three of them, because we inevitably talk about my Mom - and we often shed a tear or two - but it never feels too sad or too much. It feels therapeutic. I suppose it's because we can all relate to how each other is feeling. It feels really nice and I was so glad to spend some time with them.

Sunday morning my fabulous husband got up with the baby and took him and the dog out for the longest walk ever, so I could sleep until 8:15. In our house, 8:15 is seriously sleeping in! It felt amazing! Then  my boys were all up and they spoiled me with this necklace, which is exactly what I wanted! :) I love having my boys so close to my heart all day.

We spent the morning exploring the Bronx Zoo. It was lots of fun! Jack is totally into animals and Wells just giggles at Jack. It's adorable! The weather was incredible, so it was nice to be outside wandering around. After visiting with the giraffes, zebras, gorillas and the mountain goats, we headed back home. Jen and I had made plans to spend the afternoon with my Dad.

 

 

We decided that Mother's Day might be the perfect day to spread some of Mom's ashes... She had asked to have them spread in Central Park, at the beach and in Battersea Park in London. Up to this point, we hadn't even opened the urn. But we knew that it was time. Jen, Dad and I wanted to spread the Central Park and London ashes together. We've done everything together up until now, so this seemed appropriate. Mother's Day would inevitably be difficult, but at least we could spend the day celebrating Mom in our own way.

So Jen and I took Wells to meet my Dad and head into Central Park. We found 2 lovely spots where we spread Mom's ashes. It seemed like the right thing to do. As my Dad said, we put a piece of her body where her soul already was. I liked that. He's so right. She walks through the Park with me regularly, but I like that I can now walk by certain spots and know that part of her is there - literally. I hope that she likes the spots we picked, though I'm sure she does.

After spreading her ashes, we went to the Boathouse and celebrated Mom with a cocktail. It was perfect. My Mom loved the Boathouse and in turn brought us all there so we could fall in love, too. It's an incredible spot to have a drink on a lovely NYC day. It also happens to be one of the last places my Mom visited in the City as we were all there together for a special day just 2 days before my baby was born!

 

Though I miss my Mom tremendously, I am grateful that I got to spend my weekend with so many of the people who matter most to me, especially my babes. Mother's Day changed for me 2 years ago, when I got to celebrate it with my then 6 day old son. It changed again this year. I imagine that it will change again in the future. All in all, it was a lovely weekend. I absolutely love being a Mommy and I'm so glad to get to celebrate it each year :)

Stay at home mom for a day!

I got an early morning text today that our babysitter couldn't come into work. Her son was sick and she needed to take him to the doctor. While my initial reaction was frustration, I quickly came around to realize that this could be an unexpected fun day with my kids! 

Nick and I have a rule when it comes to these types of issues - we take turns and divide our time away from work evenly. We've agreed that neither of our job is more or less important than the other. Of course, we have to be flexible depending on what's happening at work for each of us. But for the most part, we're a 50/50 team. I appreciate this and often hope that our employers do too. This time it worked out that I took the morning off and nick took the afternoon. 

So I decided to take the kids to the American Museum of Natural History where nick could easily meet us and I could scoot back to work! 

We had so much fun! 

We spent most of our time exploring the Asian and African Mammals.

We are members at the museum, so we try and explore a new exhibit each time to keep it exciting.

Jack is fascinated by the animals and we had a great time walking around and checking things out. 

I snapped a few pics on my iPhone, though they're a bit dark!

It was a fun day and I was grateful for both an unexpected, fun day and a partner who respects and values my job as much as I do his.

Things you never thought you would do... Until you're a Mom.

Today, as I was sitting on the bathroom floor pushing my boys "peepee" down to avoid being shot... I realized that parenthood is choc full of moments when you wonder to yourself... "who am I?!" I never in my life thought I'd do this... but there I was!

At the same time, I could have burst with pride for my boy who is asking to sit on the potty!! Being a Mom is weird. But it's also so fun. I never fully understood how your children could become such a huge focus. I balked at people who let their children become the center of their worlds. I think I get it now. Though they are not the sole center, my children are the core of who I am. And that doesn't mean that I have lost myself. It means that I have changed... evolved.

I love the moments when I laugh at something because I can't believe that I am doing it. Like sitting on the bathroom floor, helping my toddler aim. I love it.


Mom, I wanted to call you to tell you all about it so bad... My baby is getting so big! What happened?! I am so proud of him. I just wanted to tell you...and now I did. I love you.