The Toughest Week.

I'm wishing that I could just pretend that this week doesn't exist. That I could hibernate somewhere in a sedated state where I don't need to think, feel or pretend that everything is ok. I wish I could just disappear and come back next Monday. Come back as myself. The me before cancer.

Shallow wishes, I suppose. But I can't help but wish them anyway. 

This will be the toughest week. I know this, because it already is. 

Channeling deep breathes and my bravest face. 

I will be ok, even if it isn't the ok that I want to be.

Long week.

This week hit me harder than I expected. Mother's Day was nicer than I thought, but Nick's graduation was much more difficult. Then I came back to piles of work after 2 days off... I haven't had a moment to breathe!

I really, really miss you. What's worse? You'd be the person that I'd call to talk through my stress. That makes me miss you more. Sometimes I can't help but feel alone. So lonely. It's a weird thing to be surrounded by people but yet feel lonely. That's how I feel today.

It was a beautiful day here and we had no plans all day! But I ended up staying in and cleaning while nick went out with the boys. I just wasn't feeling like going out. But this afternoon we had a picnic in the park, which made it all a bit better.

Still, I am very much feeling your void today. My heart is heavy. 

Deep Breaths

Buying a Mother's Day card for someone 5 months after your mother dies is no easy task. 

Oy.

Taking deep breaths.