Flirting with my husband

I am so grateful that after nearly 5 years of marriage and almost 10 years of dating, I still like to flirt with my husband. He can still make me giddy and bring a goofy smirk to my face.

I love it. 

The other day, I sent Nick a text in the middle of the day that led to a brief, but silly and flirty exchange. It made me smile. I love that I know him well enough to read his text messages in his voice. And I love that I still enjoy flirting, even after all this time :) 

We've been having fun and making each other laugh for a long time... 

looking back at these pictures made me smile :)

Circa 2005

  From last week's Graduation

 "I'm married!!" Even then I couldn't believe how lucky I was :)

 

Taking picture in Manhattan before our wedding reception

 

 

Graduation!

This is literally the third time that I've tried to write this post... for some reason my first 2 drafts disappeared! Weird... 

Anyway, Nick graduated this week from Teacher's College of Columbia University. I simply could not be more proud! He is amazing and as I sat on the South Lawn at Columbia with my boys, watching Nick in his cap and gown, I was overwhelmed with pride. What an outstanding role model for our children! I will never forget Jack running up to Nick that afternoon and saying "Congratulations Daddy, I'm so proud of you!" Gah! I get goose bumps every time I think of it!

 Here's Jack and I cheering as Nick's degree was conferred! So excited!

This was a long and emotional journey. Nick balanced full-time teaching with his Master's program, parenthood and life. He applied to the program when I was pregnant with Jack. During his 1st semester, Jack was born. During semester number 3, we learned that Wells was on the way. Over his summer semester, number 4, we learned that there was no cure for my Mom's cancer. By the start of semester number 5, she was sick and it was becoming apparent that she was going to die. Nick wanted to take a break so he could have more time to help our family. No way. My Mom was Nick's biggest supporter and she would have been pissed if he'd taken a break on her account. So he continued. In the middle of that semester (his fifth) Wells was born. Then, as he handed in his final assignments of that semester, my Mom died. And now here we are, at the completion of his 6th and final semester, watching him graduate after earning near perfect grades. It was a long and emotional journey, as I said. This degree represents hard work, of course! But it also represents life's highest highs and lowest lows. It is perseverance and dedication. It is worthy of incredible pride! 

On Tuesday afternoon, I sat in the Cathedral of St John the Divine alone, waiting for Nick to enter his convocation. It is an incredibly beautiful Cathedral. One that I visited with my Mom on several accounts. It's also the place where my Sweet Wells was Baptized just a month after my Mom passed. It's an emotional place for me on my best day. But as I sat there waiting for Nick to walk by in his silly coat and silly hat -- as Jack lovingly named his cap & gown -- I was overcome with sadness. As I said, my Mom was Nick's biggest fan. She was incredibly proud of him when he enrolled at TC. She watched him balance fatherhood, teaching, school and being an incredibly loving and supportive husband with awe. She adored him. And she was supposed to be here for this momentous day. It isn't fair. Her support of him rivaled my own. It made me incredibly sad. It made Nick sad too, I know. But I did not want it to overpower the joy of this incredible day. And as soon as I saw him wearing his cap and gown, the sadness was gone. It was overpowered with love, pride and joy.

It's an odd mixture of emotions. Joy, sadness, pride and emptiness, anger, resentment, awe... it's too much for one day, really. I think that I am still working through all of the complexities of it. My incredible joy and pride are not at all overshadowed by my sadness, but both are intense feelings that need to be felt. Both require my attention and consideration. And at some point I hope that I can let go of the sadness and remember this day simply with pride, but I am not there yet. It takes time.

Though I have survived a Christmas with out her, and a Mother's Day... this was harder. This was the hardest.

Nick and my Mom are similar in a lot of ways. They are the two single most important and influential people in my life. Both have a way of bringing me calm during times of stress. Both have a way of making me smile, even over the simplest of things. Both have a way of making me feel like the most important person in their life. Both fill my heart with Love. And both have overcome challenges with grace. Both have persevered. And both of them continue to make me feel extremely proud to know them. Both are incredible.

Nick, Congratulations on this most incredible accomplishment! There are so many people who are incredibly proud of this momentous feat and she is one of them. I am so proud to call you my partner and to share in this journey with you. Congratulations, my Love.

Mother's Day

This year Mother's Day was a bit different... it was certainly bitter sweet and frankly, I spent a lot of time pretending that it wasn't happening. But all in all, I have to say that Mother's Day was a really nice day. In fact, it was a nice weekend :)

On Saturday, we took Jack to Philadelphia to see Pennsylvania Ballet's Peter Pan. It was his very first ballet and it made me immensely happy to watch him enjoy it! My Mom loved the ballet. When I was a kid, she would occasionally take us into Lincoln Center and get standing room tickets to see a ballet and she loved to take us to see the Nutcracker at Christmas time! When I got my job, she was over the moon about it - always asking about my students and visiting. So getting to sit next to Jack on Mother's Day weekend while he watched his first ballet felt like a real full-circle moment. It was really wonderful.

Then Saturday afternoon, my sister came down to stay for the weekend and we met up with our Nan and Aunt. We celebrated Mother's Day together and had a nice dinner together. I love to be with the three of them, because we inevitably talk about my Mom - and we often shed a tear or two - but it never feels too sad or too much. It feels therapeutic. I suppose it's because we can all relate to how each other is feeling. It feels really nice and I was so glad to spend some time with them.

Sunday morning my fabulous husband got up with the baby and took him and the dog out for the longest walk ever, so I could sleep until 8:15. In our house, 8:15 is seriously sleeping in! It felt amazing! Then  my boys were all up and they spoiled me with this necklace, which is exactly what I wanted! :) I love having my boys so close to my heart all day.

We spent the morning exploring the Bronx Zoo. It was lots of fun! Jack is totally into animals and Wells just giggles at Jack. It's adorable! The weather was incredible, so it was nice to be outside wandering around. After visiting with the giraffes, zebras, gorillas and the mountain goats, we headed back home. Jen and I had made plans to spend the afternoon with my Dad.

 

 

We decided that Mother's Day might be the perfect day to spread some of Mom's ashes... She had asked to have them spread in Central Park, at the beach and in Battersea Park in London. Up to this point, we hadn't even opened the urn. But we knew that it was time. Jen, Dad and I wanted to spread the Central Park and London ashes together. We've done everything together up until now, so this seemed appropriate. Mother's Day would inevitably be difficult, but at least we could spend the day celebrating Mom in our own way.

So Jen and I took Wells to meet my Dad and head into Central Park. We found 2 lovely spots where we spread Mom's ashes. It seemed like the right thing to do. As my Dad said, we put a piece of her body where her soul already was. I liked that. He's so right. She walks through the Park with me regularly, but I like that I can now walk by certain spots and know that part of her is there - literally. I hope that she likes the spots we picked, though I'm sure she does.

After spreading her ashes, we went to the Boathouse and celebrated Mom with a cocktail. It was perfect. My Mom loved the Boathouse and in turn brought us all there so we could fall in love, too. It's an incredible spot to have a drink on a lovely NYC day. It also happens to be one of the last places my Mom visited in the City as we were all there together for a special day just 2 days before my baby was born!

 

Though I miss my Mom tremendously, I am grateful that I got to spend my weekend with so many of the people who matter most to me, especially my babes. Mother's Day changed for me 2 years ago, when I got to celebrate it with my then 6 day old son. It changed again this year. I imagine that it will change again in the future. All in all, it was a lovely weekend. I absolutely love being a Mommy and I'm so glad to get to celebrate it each year :)

Graduation

Today I put Nick's Graduation on my calendar and I was so proud I felt like I might burst. He is getting his Master's from Teachers College of Columbia University and I seriously could not be prouder! He has worked tirelessly over the past 2 years. During this time we've brought home 2 babies, worked full time and battled cancer. Nothing about this has been easy. But I love that my boys get to see such an outstanding role model. I tear up every single time I think about my boys watching their Daddy graduate!

I am SO proud of my incredible partner and best friend.

Date night.

I am grateful for a wonderful date night with Nick. 

Good food, good drinks and great company!

We also had a great time at the Boston Aquarium! More on that later ;)