Bittersweet

Bittersweet. Something that I've said hundreds of times in my life. It's one of those expressions that gets tossed around a lot to describe mixed emotions or something that's conflicting. But it's a concept that has rarely felt so applicable. There has been no shortage of contrast over these past months, but lately there has also been a lot of bittersweet. Here's the latest example...

My Mom was super invested in my job. Prior to my getting my current job, my work had always been something that she didn't quite understand. Not that she wasn't incredibly supportive, but I don't think she could ever really relate to it. It was unique. But when I moved to New York and started my current job, she was so excited. I literally talked about her in my interview. I remember saying that I was so glad that I'd learned about this school. That even if the interview didn't go anywhere, I couldn't wait to go home and tell my Mom about it. (Yes, I was that person.) Needless to say, I got the job. Lucky me! And she was so excited. She'd often come to visit me at work and watch dance classes. She just loved the environment and I loved having her be a part if it. 

Right off the bat, there were a handful of students that she became especially fond of. She'd regularly ask me about them to see how they were doing. It always made me glad that she was so intrigued and engaged in my work. Well today one of the students that she was especially fond of - she called him "my friend" - shared some really wonderful news with me. It was a big day for him and it was so sweet of him to share with myself and a handful of my colleagues. 

But it feels so incredibly bitter sweet.

My Mom would be so thrilled with her friend's news. I am really sad that I can't call her to tell her all about it. On the flip side I am incredibly happy for him and his huge accomplishment. Not to mention that I feel so privileged to have been a part of it, even in a small way. I am humbled that he wanted to come to share his news with me. I just really wish that I could now share it with her...

It feels so unfair that in fewer than four years we can go from me starting this job and meeting this then young boy and watching him grow up, to now. He's blossoming and she's gone.

It is so unfair. And this is really bittersweet.